Can Screen Time Help Kids Feel Loved?

Are you tired of the screen time guilt?

Most caregivers I have met recently are quietly wrestling with the same impossible-seeming question: Am I helping or harming my child when I hand them a screen?

They’ve read the headlines: Screen time is ruining childhood. They’ve heard the advice: Less is more. And still, reality is messy.

Parents are stretched thin, children are growing up in a digital-first world, and the line between connection and distraction feels blurry at best.

I’ve been there—both as someone who works in early childhood media and as a friend to parents trying to do right by their kids. The uncertainty can be exhausting.

So what if the very thing we fear—the glowing rectangle—could become a bridge instead of a barrier? Could screen time, when designed and approached with intention, support the most important factor in a child’s development: their attachment to a loving caregiver?

What if children’s media was a way of laying down breadcrumbs of the things we wish we had known—nuggets of insight and learning designed to support them—that unfold through their favorite characters and stories?

This week, I want to challenge everything we've been told about screens and share something radical: digital media, when approached with intention, can actually support the secure attachment relationships that help children thrive.

What children need to thrive (and why attachment matters)

Children need what my Harvard professor beautifully described as "at least one person who is crazy about them." This is secure attachment—those warm, responsive, consistent relationships that become a child's foundation for everything else.

We see it in the way a two-year-old runs to their parent after exploring, using that secure base to venture out again with confidence.

Attachment isn't just about physical presence. It's about emotional availability, shared meaning-making, and feeling truly seen.

And here's a question that is not in the headlines: Could thoughtfully designed media actually support these attachment relationships that are so fundamental to children thriving?

I believe the answer is yes—but only when we fundamentally shift how we think about screen time. To start, take a moment to remember positive memories or experiences you have had with children’s media:

Have you have experienced when a show lights up a kids’ imagination, opening a world of make-believe, where they role-play their favorite characters for hours on end?

Or a child asking, “Why did Bluey’s dad cry?”—a moment that opens the door to empathy and social awareness?

Or when Daniel Tiger sings “grown ups come back” and it helps comfort a little one who is struggling with their mom being away on a business trip?

At the non-profit I founded—NABU—I’ve seen the power of culturally relevant storytelling to bridge generations—parents reading to children in their mother tongue, grandparents listening in, siblings acting out scenes.

The context may change, but the principle holds: when media connects to a child’s world, scaffolds their understanding, and invites interaction, it strengthens bonds.

Much of the past 15 years of screen-time research has focused on the risks—and those are real. But we’re missing an opportunity if we ignore the possibility of media that invites joint attention, shared laughter, and deeper conversation.

Designing and choosing children’s media for connection

The research shows that media that supports attachment is interactive, sparking back-and-forth exchanges rather than just passive watching.

It is developmental, attuned to a child’s age and stage.

And it is meaning-making, encouraging reflection, questions, and imagination long after the screen turns off.

Recent studies by Mallawaarachchi et al., (2024) show that when caregivers co-view and talk about media, children’s language, emotional regulation, and even attachment scores improve.

Unfortunately busy caregivers don’t always have time to sit down and watch with their little ones! But even if co-viewing isn’t possible, we can still design—and choose—media that prompts conversation later, sparks imagination, and models healthy relationships.

Children also form meaningful relationships with characters in children’s media, called “parasocial relationships.” Characters that children grow to trust can help to spark real-world conversations, which is where the real learning takes place.

For example, when a child asks, "Why did Bluey's dad cry?" they're practicing emotional intelligence. They're learning that grown-ups have feelings too, and that families work through challenges together.

Research shows children learn better from characters they know and love. These parasocial relationships aren't replacements for human connection—they're practice grounds for it.

Mr. Rogers understood this decades ago. Through a screen, he told millions of children:

Mr. Rogers’ message was amplified by media—modeling a healthy attachment relationship for a generation of kids and families.

Parents, educators, and child advocates are navigating an uncharted landscape. My hope is that we can move from guilt and guesswork toward intentional, joyful use of media—media that helps a child feel seen, understood, and deeply loved.

Because in the end, the real question isn’t “How much screen time?”—it’s “Does this moment help us feel closer?”

Key Takeaways for Practice

• Design for connection: Choose or create media that prompts shared reflection, not just solitary viewing.

• Choose high-quality media with appropriate characters: do the characters in kids media model healthy, secure attachment relationships?

• Use prompts: After or during watching, ask questions like “What would you do in that situation?” or “How did that make her feel?”

• Prioritize co-viewing when you can: Even short moments of joint attention can deepen trust.