When Praise Doesn’t Work: The Surprising Truth in Supporting Children's Success

Self-efficacy, or the belief that one can complete a task successfully, is a core part of learning and achievement. Yet, our systems often place so much weight on external rewards and evaluations, which can inadvertently undermine this essential trait.

Simply telling a student, “You’re smart!” may help them feel good temporarily, but real confidence is built by engaging in challenging tasks and achieving goals independently. When students believe in their ability to succeed, they invest more time and effort in learning, enhancing both their skill level and resilience.

My insights: When Praise Fails

Research shows that self-efficacy is a better predictor of academic success than almost any other factor. We often think that rewards and grades are the key to building this essential belief, and certainly giving positive feedback is an important part of being a good manager, partner, or parent. But in a seminal meta-analysis, Drs. Deci, Ryan, and Koestner (1999) found that external rewards can sometimes decrease self-efficacy, leaving students less likely to persevere once those rewards are no longer there.

So, when does this happen? It turns out that inauthentic praise erodes trust. We’ve all experienced that icky feeling when someone gushes over something we’ve done, and we both know it wasn’t great. Children sense this, too. When a student hasn’t performed well and receives excessive praise, it can feel hollow, undermining not just their belief in themselves but also their trust in the person giving the praise.

Self-efficacy grows when students experience real, meaningful successes. Bandura’s (1977) research emphasizes that authentic mastery experiences—not just verbal praise—are what truly build confidence. When children are engaged in tasks that genuinely interest them and are given the chance to succeed, that’s when they start to believe in their abilities.

This doesn’t mean praise isn’t important—it’s just that it works best when it’s specific and balanced. Praising effort instead of talent, and providing constructive feedback, helps reinforce positive beliefs in their abilities without setting them up for disappointment if things don’t go perfectly in the future.

Curiosity and self-efficacy also go hand-in-hand. Children are more engaged and willing to persevere when they’re genuinely interested in what they’re doing, which creates the right context for them to thrive. I was speaking with my colleague Dr. Nancy Close at the Yale School of Medicine about this, and she shared something that really resonated with me: “Especially at early ages, couching academic content within the context of what’s on children’s minds and what interests them is what keeps their motivation and excitement alive.”

External rewards and validation was reinforced throughout my academic life. Whilst I learnt from school that I was “smart” in an academic sense, it wasn’t until later that my curiosity flourished outside of the classroom, where I could explore without pressure. Now at grad school where there is much less emphasis on grades, I am loving exploring wherever my curiosity leads!

In a recent newsletter I wrote about the incredible curiosity of young children, who ask on average about 200 questions per hour (Chouinard, 2007)! Today, I believe in emphasizing curiosity and skill-building over grades and external recognition. See my newsletter on how to foster curiosity, which is a form of intrinsic motivation.

Key Takeaways for NABU and Beyond

• Encourage Intrinsic Motivation: We can develop content that supports curiosity-driven exploration, allowing children to connect with stories personally. By offering a wide range of books, we provide children with the freedom to choose topics that ignite their own interests.

• Support Growth Beyond the Classroom: Our work at NABU goes beyond simply providing books. Collaborations with educators and caregivers to create environments that encourage self-efficacy through engagement, reflection, and active participation.

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Glossary

• Self-Efficacy: The belief in one’s capability to complete a specific task successfully.

• Authentic Mastery Experience: An experience that allows someone to achieve success in a meaningful, personal way.